It’s no secret.
Everyone needs to learn how to connect with others.
We need to connect with others in the office. We need to connect with others playing online games. We need to connect with others buying grocery. We need to connect with others in all aspects of our lives.
Only, there’s one tiny problem being an introvert…
HAVING TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE!
The truth is, there’s been countless times I would have preferred to just be on my own. It’s one of the reasons I’m so good at wasting time. I could be sitting on my chair, staring into space, and before I know it, an hour has passed. (It’s no wonder, I’m rarely bored, and the reason I’m usually late for appointments)
But I’m digressing.
We’re talking about the “General Appeal of Solitude” for us introverts…
Made even more appealing when you come across articles encouraging introversion… because we’re seen as being more “attractive. Yes, you read that right. Introversion is attractive. (*silent high-five to myself*)
Unlike many of my extroverted friends, I’m comfortable being by myself. Finding random things to entertain and “will” the time away. It’s probably a crazy notion to any extroverted person. (Yet, I think you would understand where I’m coming from here.)
Let me set this straight…
It’s not that I hate being with people. I DO enjoy spending quality time with my close friends. Introverted, extroverted, religious, fanatic, gay, crazy, loud, soft-spoken, or whatever other peculiar characteristics they may exhibit.
I DO enjoy their company, listening to their stories, having my share of poking and disturbing them, and any other crazy things friends do together.
But I also enjoy the time I’m “recharging” on my own.
Which brings us back to the problem on hand…
How to Connect with the People Around Us? Especially New People.
Let me start by saying first, for an introvert, I do have many different groups of friends. People I trust. People I meet often. People I share my experiences and life stories with. People I have my fair share of irritation with.
I do know. quite a number of people. Some whom I will go the extra mile for. And many others, whom I only have a “surface” relationship with, as do many of us.
The thing is, these relationships, these connections, took a long time building.
Come a new face or two, and I’m back to square one. Point zero.
It’s like an invisible magnet sucking and pulling me back to the start. Retreating to my usual comfort zone.
I will smile at the person. Give a nod. Acknowledge their existence. Then it’s back to fumbling over my choice of words. Struggling to think of anything we have in common. Rattling my feet, my fingers, anything, to try and break that awful (and awkward) silence.
While others are speaking and laughing their hearts away, I’m forcing a weak smile on my face. While others are taking the centre stage and stealing the limelight, I’m shrinking into the shadows and nodding my head to no one in particular. While others are building and solidifying this new connection, I can feel myself growing more and more distant.
Sometimes, I do wonder if my existing connections were a result of having great and amazing friends who constantly pulled me back into the conversation.
I guess you could say I’m blessed in this sense. That over the years I’ve been fortunate enough to connect with individuals whom I consider my close friends today.
It is perhaps also a key and important point for any introvert to work on – strengthening and cementing existing relationships.
After all, it really isn’t our forte to connect with a bunch of strangers. But we do have the ability to go ALL out for those we already consider our friends.
Wonderful Opportunities Friendship Brought for Me
I don’t remember how many times, I’ve “screwed up” quite terribly in the things I do. More times than I dare to count. Yet, during so many of those events, I was fortunate to have a good friend who was there for me.
Here’s an example…
A long time back, back when I was fresh out of Singapore Polytechnic, I was a part-time call centre agent at Maybank.
Handling customer enquiries is never easy. Made even worse when you’re an introvert. Just imagine having to talk to hundreds of strangers every single day. In fact, it was a KPI to clock a certain number of calls in a day. (No surprises here that I’m usually at the bottom of the table)
There was a particular incident where I messed up BIG time!
Thankfully, one of my good friends was there to save me. I can’t reveal the actual incident for company confidentiality reasons, but I can say that the incident was serious enough, it took my friend half a day to help resolve the issue. Remember, half a day, means forgoing calls and missing the daily KPI.
Yet, this connection, this friendship, was more important than hitting some numbers. And I have friends who are willing to go over and beyond to save my skin more times than I dare count.
Definitely not possible if I had always stayed in my comfort zone.
In fact, these days, I’ve been given many opportunities because of people I know.
Sales opportunities. (Probably the hardest job for any introvert)
Speaking opportunities. (Imagine a roomful of people staring at you as you stand in front without a script to rely on)
Career opportunities. (Don’t think I would be offered the role of Director of Content Marketing by staying locked up in my room)
The cold hard truth is…
We’re living in an extroverted world. A world where you have to speak up to be heard. A world where you need to take proactive steps and measures to be seen. To be recognised.
But it doesn’t mean we can’t still be who we are. That we can’t fade away into the crowd to take a silent breather.
We can.
And it is easier if we have friends we know we can trust, rely, and depend on.
It starts by building these little treads of connection to those around us. It won’t be easy, but it is definitely not impossible.
At least, that’s what I think.
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