Recently, I’ve been talking with two rather diverse groups of friends.
1 group consists of people who see themselves as rather successful in life. While the other consist of those who haven’t always been so fortunate in the things they do.
And here’s an interesting observation I’ve noticed repeating itself within both groups. There are some small differences but the overall similarity is remarkable. Plus it sheds some insight (at least for me) as to why some people are “destined” to be more successful than others.
You see… the background of these 2 groups are almost identical.
They’re equally educated. I mean, most of them have a diploma or a degree. Many of them started out their career in a corporate job. And their range of interests are the same.
Yet, the “successful” group have either progress further in their career or are much happier in the things they do. While the other group, appears to be stuck in the same position and they’re unhappy with where they are. A few of them feel like there’s not much meaning to their day-to-day activities anymore.
As I spoke with them, I couldn’t help wondering what made such a difference to an otherwise similar group of people.
But as I reflected on the way each group behave, their views on life, their attitude, their actions and more, I discovered a common pattern. And I think it’ll surprise you.
Before I dive into that, I want you to pay attention to the lyrics of this Justin Bieber song.
Now I’m not a fan of his but neither am I against his type of music. (I am a fan of one of this song’s songwriter, Ed Sheeran though)
And his international fame seems to have risen in his head quite a bit.
But whatever your thoughts about him, you have to admit that this is quite a lovely song. Beautiful melody. Interesting lyrics.
Or so it seems.
Because as you pay closer attention to the words, you begin to hear the pain and anguish he is feeling. Still loving a person who has broken his heart so many times, he is still trying to put the pieces back together. And as the feeling of regret, confusion, and even sadness starts to build up, he has no avenue to release his frustration.
All he can manage is to sing this song, telling her to go and love yourself.
But here’s the big irony in that statement…
She probably already knew that and had move on. While he was the one who really needed to learn how to love himself.
You see, a common trait many happy people have, is that they know how to love themselves. It doesn’t matter whether they’re rich or they’re poor.
They’re more attuned to their thoughts, their connection with things, and they tend to make better choices. In a sense, they put themselves first.
And here’s the shocker…
They start having better relationships with others.
Let me explain with an example.
Many of us go through life thinking we have to please others. That we shouldn’t go out of the norm. So we tend to put ourselves as second to everyone else.
And a terrible thing happens. Some of us begin to think of ourselves as inferior to others. We’re constantly reminding ourselves we’re nobody and unfortunately, this reflects in our attitude.
Our learning stops. Our desire to improve stops. Our happiness stops.
We didn’t realise it but we’ve become a victim of our own judgement. Reciting a horrible mantra everyday that “we’re nobody important.”
It’s what we call a “Self-fulfilling Prophecy.”
Here’s What You Should Do Instead
Start by learning to be more aware of your thoughts. Whenever you’re faced with a situation that makes you unhappy.
Pause and reflect.
Reflect on these 2 things:
- Why did I feel this way about the incident
- What are some reasons the offending party behaved in that way
Many times, there are situations we’re just not aware of. Your boss could have been in a bad mood. Your colleague may be going through a tough time. Sometimes, it is the little actions we’ve been committing that has built up.
When we take a few short moments to catch our breath and try to understand the situation, we’ve a clearer head to deal with the situation.
It is important to remember all of us make mistakes. But by taking time to understand the situation another person is coming from, we can be emphatic to them.
By making this small change, we’re more aware of our own thoughts. We start to see ourselves in a different light. And we begin to appreciate ourselves even better.
You may even begin to feel a surge of positive energy flowing from within.
It’s how you know you’ve started to love yourself better. And here’s where it gets really amazing…
As you start to love yourself better, people will notice the small changes in you. Because of the way you now talk and behave.
This positive vibe will emit from you and touch the people around you. You become a magnet of positivity that attracts others. It’s almost contagious.
It’s why some people are so bubbly and a joy to be with.
Now it’s up to you to take that next step. It’s not going to be easy at first, but with each small step, you’ll be surprised at how much easier it is to really love yourself. The right way.
Image via StockSnap by Denys Nevozhai
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